Do you remember the time when you were like three years old and you would just go up to the first random kid in the park and tell them, “You’re going to be my best friend?” I wish it was still that simple as an adult. Trying to make and maintain friends nowadays is like a 9-5 job. Now, all we have is a different friend breakup every single day.
At 25, I have had my fair share of friend breakups, but I often don’t reflect on why they weren’t meant to be in my life anymore. I would like to take the time to thank a few of them, even if they never read this.
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Friend Breakup – Appreciation
Thank you, B.
Thank you, B for being my best friend all throughout middle and most of high school.
Truly, you were there for me when no one else was.
You helped me through my parents’ divorce. You helped me with the heartbreak of my first boyfriend.
Thank you for all of the adventures, the matching shirts that we made in my living room, the songs we wrote/sang together in your room, and making music together every day in band class.
Thank you for always pushing me to be a better trombone player. We laughed together, we cried together, we got mad at each other, and we loved each other.
I would honestly say that you were my first real best friend. I will always treasure what we had. This friend breakup is one that I don’t think I’ll ever truly be completely over.
Thank you, G.
Thank you, G for helping me get through one of the hardest nights of my life; the night that I thought it was all going to come to an end. Your text messages uplifted me and really helped me to rest a little easier, when I was all alone. Your friendship for 4 short months means more to me than you will ever know.
Thank you, D.
Thank you, D. Our friendship was very short-lived and started off rocky. You taught me how to be more open-minded and accepting of people. You especially taught me how to not judge a book by its cover.
Our daily conversations of encouragement, boys, and even the prospect of moving in together really helped me. I hope you find what you’re looking for in life, because you deserve it. I will always be here for you if you ever need a friend.
Take the time to reflect on all of the friends that you may have lost in the last 5-10 years and thank them for their time in your life. You can do this in a journal or just practice this exercise in your head. Whether you realize it or not, they were placed in your life for a reason.
Thanking the people that hurt me the most, has really helped me heal and close that chapter in my life. I am at peace knowing that there is peace with each and every one of these friend breakups.
How to get over a friend breakup
Losing a friend can be extremely painful. Some days it feels like the world has stopped. Some days you are depressed or angry and are not sure how to move back to a place of peace after a friend hurt you. It is okay to feel this way. You are allowed to hurt. You are allowed to feel all of the emotions.
Here are a few tips to help after a friend breakup:
Step 1: Feel the Loss
Loss is so prevalent. Validate the loss. Feel the loss. Experience the loss.
Write down all of the losses from the friendship. Write down the memories and dreams you lost with this person. What did it symbolize to you? What did you lose? Did you lose a movie buddy? Did you lose a dinner date?
How does it effect your schedule? It is important to feel the loss. Recognize that it hurts. It makes you a stronger person to go through this grieving process. Give yourself permission to grieve. Be gentle with yourself.
Step 2: Allow yourself to feel angry
This one may seem surprising, but letting yourself feel angry is very important.
Anger is separate from grief and loss. It can come from feeling betrayed by your expectations or even painful or hurtful words exchanged during the friend breakup.
Anger can almost sound like it’s blaming the other person, but in reality it helps you self reflect on what you could have done better in the relationship.
The most valuable response to anger is asking yourself, “Where in here do I need to forgive?” List things down that you hope to forgive in yourself and the other person.
Through this whole process, you do not want to blame anyone or be bitter or be judgmental. You want to be someone who has processed their loss. Who has healed and felt it and owned it. Be someone who got better at forgiving.
Step 3: Hold onto the gratitude
The most important action is gratitude. Be grateful for the positive experiences the other person may be having without you.
Be grateful for the memories you had with that person.
Initially, it may be very painful to be grateful for the person that has hurt you so deeply and that’s okay, but choose to be grateful and push through those negative emotions. Make a list of things that you’re grateful for with that person. Hold onto the gratitude.
Friend Breakup Step 4: Don’t bash the other person
Lastly, make sure to talk about it really carefully. There is a thin line between suffering alone and hurting the other person’s friendships.
Don’t bash the other person to mutual friends in an effort to try to ruin their friendships.
Even if you’re mad at the other person, it is your job to speak kindly about them. Seek advise about situation. Do not go into the conversation trying to win them over and get them to agree with you about the person. Do so with a willingness to grow as a person.
Don’t think that doing all of this will not make you miss the person. Friendships ebb and flow. There are so many other relationships out there. Try to get as healthy and whole as you can be so that you can get back into loving and supporting relationships.
10 Friend Breakup Songs
There are songs that overtime have become our go-to’s when it comes to certain situations. Most people don’t think to have a playlist lined up for friend breakups and I’m here to hopefully start that for you! Get your friend breakup going with these friend breakup songs.
1. “Same Old Love” by Selena Gomez
The idea of being “sick of that same old love,” is relatable because of the fact that it is referring to any relationship that doesn’t change for the better. This song is the perfect way of realizing that you’re sick of dealing with the awful treatment and the lack of communication that just doesn’t ever seem to get better.
2. “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt
This song is about not wanting to hear any more excuses after a falling out. The song is actually about the breakup of Gwen Stefani and No Doubt bassist Tony Kanal. In the song, they describe the breakup as losing their best friend and not wanting to hear any explanations because it just makes the situation worse.
3. “Bad Blood” by Taylor Swift
Nothing makes me feel more confident or bad ass than this song. Cranking this song all the way up and singing (or screaming) alone will definitely help you in the grieving process post friend breakup.
4. “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande
Talk about a bop! This song’s catchy medley will have you saying “thank u, next” to that friend that did you wrong.
5. “Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac
This song is straightforward. Tell that friend exactly where they should go!
6. “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor
Is there really any other song out there that screams female empowerment and “screw you, loser—I’m over you” than this one?
7. “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston
If you’re looking for your friend breakup to be a little bit more on the emotional side, this is the song for you. It is a tear jerker and the one line that gets me every single time is “We both know I’m not what you need”. This realization really stings.
8. “F*ck You” by CeeLo Green
It’s a shout-along, four-minute middle finger to a gold-digging ex of friend, packing in punning verses, a wailing bridge and that glorious quadruple-f*ck chorus.
9. “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani
Here’s another song about getting back at someone who pretends to be your friend, but is actually a snake. A Hollaback Girl is one of the lesser cheerleaders who hollers back during a cheer dance. In this song, Gwen insists (and proves) that she’s not one of those background girls who can’t stand up for herself.
10. “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye
This one is a little more subdued, but still makes a big impact. The lyrics question the person that you just broke up with. To me, the most powerful line is “You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness”.
Thank you for reading! Be sure to check out many other informational posts on here such as, How to Watch the Entire Marvel Cinematic Universe in Order, 10 Self Care Date Day Ideas, and 9 Questions that will End Small Talk Right Now.