Personal Development

Depression: My battle

December 18, 2015

The greatest day of my life.

The day I graduated from the University of Central Florida. A day when all of my hard work came to fruition. The day I made my parents, grandparents, brother, and friends proud.

When I would have to actually start applying to Law Schools and thinking about my future.

Law School

Dealing with Depression: photo of a woman on her college graduation day. She is standing with her diploma and a magazine in her left hand. She is wearing a black graduation cap and gown.

I started the application process right away. I applied to 11 different Law Schools in Florida and Georgia. Hopeful for at least one acceptance, the letters started rolling in. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. 10 rejections later and I could not believe it.

There was a glimmer of hope though! Florida Coastal School of Law in Jacksonville, Florida gave me a chance. I just had to take an online preliminary acceptance summer course. Take 2 law courses and pass both with a 70 or higher. The catch? There was only one grade; the final exam.

Summer 2016

I tried my hardest all summer to do what I do best, study and make good grades. A lot of the information didn’t make any sense for one course. The other was easy and I understood almost all of it. When it came time for the finals, I felt like I could get a passing result.

Two weeks passed after I took the finals. I did not get into Florida Coastal. 11/11 in rejections.

My whole world crashed. What I had been working towards since the 11th grade was gone.

“I was depressed”

I instantly had no desire to keep moving forward. Feeling like I had hit a wall. I was depressed. I had been in school nonstop for 16 1/2 years. School was all I knew. How could I have not been accepted by anyone? Was I not good enough? Why was I not smart enough? Was I even worth it? All of these questions were going through my head constantly. Every second of every single day. It was debilitating.

At the time, I was working a job that I hated and found almost no motivation to actually show up for my shifts. I hated myself. I hated everyone around me and I hated life. My only motivation for working that job was money.

Depression on the move

I quickly left that job to pursue something different to become a substitute teacher for Seminole County Public Schools primarily working at Sabal Point Elementary. I was initially only doing it because I was making more money than my last job. Little did I know, working with elementary age students every day really changed my life. They taught me how to laugh again and how to be fearless. The children reminded me that it doesn’t matter how hard you fall, it’s about how you get back up. They reminded me to be adventurous, imaginative, and creative. They did so much for me and I am eternally grateful.

Moving on from depression

I decided to take a page out of their book and moved to Atlanta, Georgia in June of 2017 without really telling my family what I was doing. I just got on a plane and never came back to start a new adventure. Honestly, this has been the greatest decision that I’ve ever made. I have been able to focus on my mental health and really focus on myself. Still have my moments of weakness, but they have become far and few between. I can proudly say that I beat depression.

Through this journey of focusing on my mental health, I have acquired so many new tools. Whether it is learning how to meditate, focusing on being positive, or even learning how to say no to people you truly care for, I have become a version of myself that I am so proud to showcase to the world. My mission is to help spread those tools in the hope they can help someone else. Yes, I still have my days when I am not 100%. But who doesn’t? Every day is a new day to learn something new, make a new goal, and just live another day. Be grateful for each new day because they are not promised.

Depression – Seek Help

If you are struggling with depression, please know that there are people out there that are willing to help or just listen. Me being one of them. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. I love you. You are worth it. You are important.

Lastly, thank you for taking the time to read my blog post. It was not easy to share this, as not a lot of people knew of my story. I feel liberated and ready to continue moving forward to whatever life gives me. I hope to write more blog posts about a variety of different topics. If you have any suggestions or comments, please feel free to let me know on here or on any of my social media platforms. I appreciate your love and support. I wouldn’t be here without it.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, (800) 273‑TALK (8255), Live Online Chat: This 24-hour suicide prevention helpline specializes in handling all situations related to suicide and emotional distress.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline, (800) 950-NAMI (6264); text NAMI to 741741: This helpline can answer questions about mental health, treatment, and local support groups. Staff members are available Monday-Friday from 10 a.m.-6 p.m.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), (800) 662-HELP (4357): SAMHSA’s helpline offers 24/7 support in English and Spanish for treatment referral and support. You can call anytime you have questions about depression or substance use disorders.

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